Trying to be so perfect all the time is not only draining on you, but
it can be equally as exhausting for your partner. To avoid a big blowup
(or ultimate heartbreak), take a peek at the various ways perfectionism
might be ruining your relationship and a few tips on how to help it.
Procrastination
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jennifer Chappell Marsh, when someone is a perfectionist they typically have the following two characteristics that impact the relationship: the tendency to procrastinate and adhere to an all-or-nothing approach. “This negatively affects their partner’s sense of reliability on them,” she says. “Perfectionism that comes out this way in a relationship translates into inconsistency, which is not stable. Partners will often stop relying on their significant others and take more on themselves. This is where resentment builds and criticism ensues,” she warns.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jennifer Chappell Marsh, when someone is a perfectionist they typically have the following two characteristics that impact the relationship: the tendency to procrastinate and adhere to an all-or-nothing approach. “This negatively affects their partner’s sense of reliability on them,” she says. “Perfectionism that comes out this way in a relationship translates into inconsistency, which is not stable. Partners will often stop relying on their significant others and take more on themselves. This is where resentment builds and criticism ensues,” she warns.
Unrealistic standards
As many perfectionists will attest to, they tend to be extremely hard on themselves and have incredibly high, unrealistic standards. Consequently, their self-esteem takes a beating, explains Marsh. “This hurts a relationship because perfectionists will generally close off emotionally when they are feeling bad. The other common scenario is that the perfectionist holds their partner to the same bar that they hold themselves to, setting them both up for failure.”
As many perfectionists will attest to, they tend to be extremely hard on themselves and have incredibly high, unrealistic standards. Consequently, their self-esteem takes a beating, explains Marsh. “This hurts a relationship because perfectionists will generally close off emotionally when they are feeling bad. The other common scenario is that the perfectionist holds their partner to the same bar that they hold themselves to, setting them both up for failure.”
