My father never relaxed — Sunny Okosuns’ daughter

A daughter of the late popular musician, Sunny Okosuns, Ebony, shares her memorable moments with her father in this interview with GBENGA ADENIJI

 Can you please give a brief profile of yourself?

My name is Ebony Okosuns and one of the children of the late singer, Sunny Okosuns. I am the second child of four children comprising two boys and two girls. The first is Sidney, the third Michael and the last child is Adesua. I attended Essex College in the United States and studied computer information. I practice as a tailor and run a boutique in Lekki, Lagos.

 What memorable moments did you share with him while growing up?

We had holidays every day whenever he was around. Whenever we were back from school in those days, he was always with us to have fun. Every moment with him was golden because he was not laid back. I remember that when there was no electricity, he would light the candle, act like a monster and chase us around the house. There was no dull moment with him. If there was  rain, my father would be inside the rain with us as we took a shower. He was a really cool father. Whenever we went shopping, he shopped like a lady. Shopping was great with him. He knew the coolest shoes and clothes that were in vogue then. He was a very stylish man.

 Considering the demands of his trade, how did he make time for his family?  

He was a very busy man but he made out time for us a lot. If he was home and there was a need for us not to go to school, we would stay at home with him. We could be at home for a month because he used to say he needed to have time with his family. We would sleep with him in the same room and go shopping together. If he slept, there would be a mat on the floor for us to sleep next to one another. We never missed a moment with our father. He took us to every Chinese restaurant that was in Lagos. He also took us to the beach though we did not get close to the water.

We did not feel that we had a father who was not always around because we had double of the time he was away. We were the ones who would tell him to travel and he would tell us that he just came home having been away for three months. My father bathed us often when we were young. I think he did all that because he wanted to have quality time with us. His toilet is as big as a bedroom and sometimes he could take us there while using it and be telling us stories. We often protested that he was in the toilet but he would insist that he only wanted to tell us the stories of what happened while he was on musical tours. He was not one of those fathers that could be referred to as not being around because he made out time for us. When we were abroad, he was always visiting us. Sometimes he could call us from Nigeria and the next day, he was in US to visit.  My father was there for us in all aspects. He was an ideal family man.

 How did he relax at home?

My father never relaxed. There was a time he came to US on vacation. He did not stay long before he returned to Nigeria for performances. We protested that he promised us he was coming to the US on vacation but he told us that he wanted to work. He knew that whenever he was with us, we would not allow him to go to the studio. I think his only relaxing time was during sleep. Even at that, he did not like sleeping alone. He loved having us around not caring that we often made a lot of noise and increased the volume of the television. Whenever he was sleeping and we decided to go out in order not to disturb him, he would wake up when he noticed that the room was too quiet. He would ask who told us to leave and if he told us we were disturbing him. We liked pulling at his hair and ears whenever he was sleeping.

 How close were you to him?

We were very close. When I was in the US, my friends used to make jest of me that my father called me every day from Nigeria. My father was available whenever I intend to seek his advice on my work or anything. I called him anytime. He was there to advise us on anything bothering us. The way he joked with us with us was funny on its own. I miss everything about him.

 How often did he visit you and your siblings studying abroad then?

My father came abroad not less than five times a year to visit us though there were other random visits while on musical engagements.

 Can you recall your most intimate moment with him?

There were million intimate moments with my father. I remember when we went to a fast food in the US and he pretended to be an illiterate. He wanted to know if the attendants would attend well to him. He winked at us not to betray him. It was tough as one of them would explain to him, saying ‘This is burger. These are French fries and this is Kentucky chicken.’ He acted as if he did not understand what the worker was saying. If the attendant was patient with him, my father would give him or her money. If the attendant was respectful, my father never hesitated to give good money. They showed their surprise after the whole thing that he was pretending all along. He taught us how to order food in fast food joints. There were moments we ate from the same plate and later went for a long walk. There was no particular intimate moment because every moment with him was memorable.

 Have you ever watched him perform?

He didn’t like taking us with him on tour because he said he won’t be able to perform well as he had to keep watching us. But I remember a concert in Lekki he took us to before we all travelled out. He kept on looking at us and was constantly warning us not to tread on certain places. We then understood why he didn’t like taking us to his shows. There was a show we attended in Lagos and he ensured we were placed in an elevated car in the middle of the crowd facing the stage. The crowd was massive and we watched the show from the car. We were not allowed to alight until he finished performing. There were some shows I performed with him. I did back up. I rehearsed with his band and sang all the songs they played with them. There was a show in Ohio and that was where he allowed me to sing one of his songs, Holy, Holy, Holy.  It is my favourite song and I told him I wanted to sing it. He first asked me how I would sing it because I am shy. I told him not to worry because I wanted to be a singer. I did the song but did not make any eye contact with the crowd. He later told me that since I didn’t make any eye contact with the audience, there was no way they would feel me. That was the last song I did all by myself with him on stage.

 Your father was a great singer. Didn’t he influence any of you to follow  in his footsteps?  

I think he did intuitively. We are artists only that we are not musicians. But my elder brother is a computer genius. He does not paint, draw or sing. It is funny because everybody thought he would be an artist having been the only child for a long time and my father took him everywhere with him. He also knew how to play the drums. But he grew up not doing anything arts-related.  Let me tell you a story. There was a day in high school that my teacher asked me to write an essay on ‘Why I am going to college.’

I just wrote that I didn’t know why I was going to college because I already knew what I wanted to do. I always love garment production. I desire to be a tailor. I didn’t want to go to school because I was already designing and also want to be a musician. But I do not think one can learn arts in any school. One must be talented. Though some people say they can learn it, I think it cannot be authentic compared to someone who has innate ability in arts. I later encouraged myself to go to college since I had the opportunity.

 What values did your father teach you? 

He said we should always say the truth, be good to ourselves and to others. He always told us to know that we are not better than anybody and nobody is better than us. He was an honest man and told us to be honest always.

 What did he like to wear?

My father was a trend setter. He loved wearing tennis shoes at a time. He would wear the latest one anytime any young boy tried to show off. It was like saying he was hipper than the person.

 How did he correct any child who misbehaved?

My father often refused to talk to any child who did wrong. He never used the cane on any erring child or asked such child to face the wall. Imagine such a good man like my father not communicating with one for a day. He was the best man to have as a father. When he refused to talk with that offending child, he or she would be the one begging and promising not to misbehave again. In that period, my father’s love for the other children would be intensified. If they got one toy before, they got two. The smiles and plays became extra and the child who misbehaved often got worried and begged profusely to be forgiven so as not to miss out on the fun.

 What kind of drink did he like?

He liked water. He was not a drinker and smoker. My father enjoyed taking herbs and ginger sometimes. He also did not like sugary things.

 How did he handle disagreement with his wife?

Any disagreement between them was fun in itself. My father took everything like a joke. If he did anything wrong and my mother did not accept his apology, he could pour garri on the rug. He knew while she was trying to clean it, they would make up. Before doing that, he would have warned us not to help her in cleaning. We were always on dad’s side in such situation because he was the one who bought the toys. At the end of it all, dad often begged her for whatever wrong he did. That was why I said any misunderstanding he had with our mother was fun in itself.

 Where were you when he died?     

I was in Nigeria when he died. But I saw him in the US two days before he died when I went for my sister’s graduation. It was my sister who called me on a Saturday to break the news to me. There was a time dad came home and looked strong. He had been sick, diagnosed and given time. We were happy and prayed he would live when he survived the time.

 What was your first reaction when you heard the news?

I ran downstairs and fainted. When I was revived, I went silent and didn’t talk to anybody. I later learnt that one of my uncles called members of the family in the US to confirm what happened.

 What do you miss most about him?

I miss everything about him. Even on the hospital bed, he still tried to entertain us.

 Your father sang in his local dialect, Edo and in English, Yoruba and Igbo. Are his children as versed as he was in these languages?

No, we are not as versed as he was in the languages. Although, I speak Yoruba a bit, my sister and younger brother don’t while my elder brother does fluently. I understand my local dialect, Edo, but I don’t speak it fluently.

 What favours have come your way through his name?

My father’s name does not cash cheques in the bank. I cannot take a cheque now to a bank and say, ‘Though there is no money in the account, I am Sunny Okosuns’ daughter, pay me.’ It does not work that way. I still have to work. If I do not work, I will not eat. But generally, people listen to us because of who our father was. The name helps us, but we have to work because dad taught us to be self-reliant and believe in ourselves. I do not go out announcing that I am his daughter.

 It is five years since he passed on. How has the family been coping without him?

We are coping and moving on. We thought it would be difficult to survive without him especially my mother who was close to him. It was initially tough for her because she spent most of her time with him. We remember him on his birthday every January 1 by gathering as a family to sing and pray for him.