Marriage Avowals - Couples Need To Learn How To Talk To Each Other

Ngozi Omolaiye met her husband Gordy in her first year in University back in 1991! The couple have been together since, married for over 15 years. They waited over 12 years after marriage for their child and welcomed a baby girl two and half years ago. In this exlusive interview with RML, she tells us more about their marriage, and what has kept them going so long.

How did you meet your husband?
I met him in Jos through a secondary school mate and friend who happens to be his niece. I had just started my undergraduate degree at University of Jos. My friend was already in the university and living with her uncle. So I decided to go in search of her in her uncle’s music studio. There were no mobile phones then and I didn’t know if she’d be there but I took the chance. She wasn’t there but her uncle was. He gave me a warm welcome and made me feel at home while I waited for her to return.

How long was it from when you first met till he proposed?
Hmmm, you know it’s been a long time. I met him since 1991, so I don’t really recall. But I think it was about a year later. We always knew we were meant for each other from the first few months after we met.

How did he propose?
There wasn’t really a formal proposal per say. Like I said we always knew we were meant for each other and started talking about our future from the early days of our meeting. But he kind of made it formal by asking his niece to be present when he was making the ‘proposal’ formal. He didn’t know how she’d take it, being my friend and his niece. But she took it well and told us we are both special to her and mustn’t break each other’s hearts.

What made you fall in love with him and decide to say yes?
His demeanour, his whole disposition. He is such a gentleman, calm and collected – a lot like my dad. I always prayed I’d find a gentleman like my dad. He met all my criteria and with a yes from God, I was bold to say yes.

What's one change you've made for your spouse?
It’s actually quite funny. Not cooking my soups with stockfish. Can you believe that Myne? It caused a few fights when we first got married. He can’t stand the smell of stockfish – it makes him feel sick. Can you imagine an Igbo lady cooking her soups without stockfish! Hmmm.

How many children do you have and how has this affected your marriage and relationship with each other?
We have a 30 month old daughter who we waited for for over 12 years. She is absolutely delightful and brings us so much joy. She has affected our relationship in a positive way. We now have to consider her in every decision we make and work our lives around her. We can’t just up and go like we used to. We are loving every bit of parenting.

What was your last fight with your husband about?
It’s been long we had a lovers tiff. When you get to understand each other better, the fights lessen. I think the last one was about travelling – my hubby doesn’t really like to travel. It was about how we’d plan our future holidays and I said now we have a daughter, once she gets older, we should plan to go on vacation every year. He said it doesn’t have to be a ritual etc. It went on for like 30 minutes. We were with friends so they kind of helped end it. But we sorted it out when we got home.

Which do you fight over more - money or chores or children?
This may sound unreal but we don’t fight about any of them. We’ve got a mutual understanding and have a motto, “We are in this together”. Without knowing it we’ve spilt the chores to what comes to us naturally.  I manage the money and cook and we both clean. He does all the DIY and mows the lawn. We share caring for our daughter equally. When she was a few months old, we took turns sleeping so no one suffered sleep deprivation. As mentioned earlier, travelling is usually where the fight originates from.

What's your perfect date night activity?
I think it’s between curling up on the settee and talking endlessly and going out to a quiet restaurant to share a meal and talk. We talk a lot - that is to each other.

When was the last time you went out on a dress-up date?
I can’t recall the last time – it’s been so long ago.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship?
Honesty and being able to communicate with each other. Couples need to learn how to talk to each other. It solves most problems that come up in relationships. Don’t hold back. Be honest. You are one, so why should you be dishonest about things? Finally, couples should learn to be more vulnerable with each other. It helps you to bond.